Driftingaway interracial dating
“Absence makes the heart grow fonder” is one of those obnoxious and inspirational quotes everyone seems to tell couples starting out on their first long distance relationship. It would be a nice sentiment if it wasn’t accompanied by that nagging thought in the back of the speaker’s mind (that they are much too polite to actually say): I give them four months. However, a study in the Journal of Communications has shown that absence might truly make the heart grow fonder and that couples who participate in a healthy long-distance relationship can have more meaningful interactions than couples who see each other daily.Oh, your boyfriend of three years is going to college out-of-state? Apparently you can judge how meaningful an interaction is. Science aside, my husband and I both agree that the nearly two years of long distance before marriage did the most to strengthen our relationship.Those in a long distance relationship reported feeling a stronger bond than couples who lived in the same city.They also claimed to feel their partners shared more of their thoughts, feelings, and emotions.And I’m sure that means a lot of things, but to most of my friends in long distance relationships, it means that if they can survive the distance, they can survive anything. Basically, when you’re in a long distance relationship you can have “off” days. I didn’t think it was possible, but early in my married life, I realized I could spend months living with someone without having a “real” conversation. Somewhere along the road when we started living together, we forgot how to communicate.[For more, check out: The Hardest Part of a Long-Distance Relationship – 12 steps for making it work] You can go weeks without shaving. If Ryosuke and I didn’t specifically set aside time to have a heart-to-heart, we could go days, weeks, or even months without talking about how he really felt when I put my feet up on his chair during dinner [hint, he didn’t like it]. [For more, check out: Don’t Blame the Distance – 6 Tips for Skyping During a Long Distance Relationship] During the nearly two years of long distance, we would chat on Skype for an hour each morning (my morning, his evening) and an hour and a half each evening (my evening, his morning). We came to the conclusion that if we didn’t set aside an hour a day to talk about our feelings, emotions, insecurities, and dreams, those thoughts often got swept under the rug and replaced with more “fun” topics like “did you see what Clarissa posted on Facebook? ” or “I think they should model the next Disney princess off of me because…” Some of the best conversations we had were living in separate cities – at 8am in a dream-muddled half-awake state while eating leftover Udon for breakfast. Crystal Jiang, of the department of communication at the City University in Hong Kong claims “Long-distance couples try harder than geographically close couples in communicating affection and intimacy, and their efforts do pay back.” (You can read her full transcript, here) A similar study by Cornell University revealed that while couples in a “normal” relationship tended to have more daily interactions than couples in a long distance relationship, the couples who had hundreds of miles in between them tended to have longer, more meaningful conversations.
You don’t need to have “the marriage talk” with them yet.
After all, don’t rock the boat if everything is going smoothing. Sure, it wasn’t fun to sleep alone, (and face it, being in a long distance relationship can be grueling, lonely, and frustrating) but man… The university told 63 heterosexual couples, half of which were a long distance relationship, to keep a communication diary and spend the next couple weeks completing questionnaires about their relationships.
The distance between the couples varied between 40 and 4,000 miles.
I’ve written a couple of posts on my blog about surviving a long distance relationship and the comment section of those posts are filled with men and women who are desperate to “win back” their significant other who has been slowly drifting away. One of the first (and most important) things I learned about long distance relationships is that it does not work if both people are not equally committed.
And the advice I give all new couples: if you are not 100% committed to making it work, don’t even try.